Late Show with David Letterman — Season 12

Aired 23 August 2004

Dave points out that CBS is airng stock footage of a guy wresting an ostrich to compete with NBC's Olympic coverage; director Chris Kentis promotes Open Water; ""Still Standing"" star Renee Olstead performs a scorching rendition of ""Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Baby.""

Aired 24 August 2004

Dave has difficulty explaining to Paul what exactly animal photographer Sam Easterson does; Dave shows another out-of-focus clip from the Olympics; Denis Leary promotes the FX hit drama ""Rescue Me.""

Aired 25 August 2004

""CBS Mailbag"" features Dave getting friendly with U.S. Olympic volleyball stars Kerri Walsh & Misty May (bogus), Alan Kalter's ""You're Busted"" at Ranch 1, and New Jersey going ""Gay Crazy;"" gold medalist Paul Hamm visits.

Aired 26 August 2004

Aired 27 August 2004

A man from Pennsylvania turns himself into a human jack o'lantern on ""Audience Show & Tell;"" ten U.S. Olympians present the Top Ten; political writer Maureen Dowd makes several alarming comments on the presidential election.

Aired 30 August 2004

Osama bin Laden announces that he wants to replace Craig Kilborn as host of the Late Late Show; Dave celebrates 11 years at CBS with a timeline; Biff reports from the Republican National Convention, with a goal to hug as many ""Republican Babes"" as possible.

Aired 31 August 2004

Aired 1 September 2004

Aired 2 September 2004

Aired 3 September 2004

Jane Pauley promotes her new book, talk show, and bipolar disorder.

Aired 6 September 2004

Dave brags about working on Labor Day; like it does every year, a runaway taxi ruins the staff Labor Day barbecue (and runs over Alan); three National Hollerin' Champions do their thing; Neve Campbell; Keane performs ""Somewhere Only We Know.""

Aired 7 September 2004

At Hello Deli: Rupert selects a contestant to play the ""Late Show Heart Bypass Scramble;"" Regis promotes his new standards CD; Alan recaps his summer, with the usual results; Hoobastank performs ""Same Direction.""

Aired 8 September 2004

""CBS Mailbag"" introduces Rupert's new ""girlfriend,"" answers the question, ""Does Dave ever sing?"" and features Alan's message to Hillary Clinton; Martin Short; ""Late Show Back to School Tips;"" Alan Jackson sings.

Aired 9 September 2004

Biff spends the day at New York-Presbyterian Hospital with Dr. Lou Arrone; an educational segment with Alan and an animated rodent goes awry; Ray Romano talks about the final season of ""Everybody Loves Raymond;"" Avril Lavigne performs ""My Happy Ending.""

Aired 10 September 2004

Dave and Drew Barrymore discuss their long-dormant drinking problems; amputee Aron Ralston returns to the show to promote his new book.

Aired 20 September 2004

Dave comments on the CBS News scandal; John Kerry performs the Top Ten and gets grilled by Dave; Green Day performs ""American Idiot.""

Aired 21 September 2004

Stand-ins for Dave and Dr. Phil stand in the gallows; in honor of a recent stunt on Oprah, everyone in the audience gets an automobile air freshener; Alan unintentionally admits that he's sexual dysfunctional.

Aired 22 September 2004

Nobel prize winner Professor Robert A. Mundell reads aloud from Paris Hilton's book; Kelly Ripa; poker champion Annie Duke; Elvis Costello & the Imposters perform.

Aired 23 September 2004

Aired 24 September 2004

Aired 27 September 2004

As it does every season, Alan's hair changes colors; Dave comments on Conan O'Brien's promotion to hosting The Tonight Show in 2009, then openly asks if he can go back to NBC to host Late Night; a Kodomo Dragon (courtesy of Jack Hanna) startles Dave.

Aired 28 September 2004

Dave mentions Paul's line of handbags again, while John Goodman promotes ""Father of the Pride"" and ""Center of the Universe.""

Aired 29 September 2004

Live via satellite, Rupert plays bingo; Dave shows a photo of Harry shaking hands with one of the Stangel brothers; Tony ruins the ending of another movie En Espanol, then goes off on one of his trademark rants.

Aired 30 September 2004

Aired 1 October 2004

CBS Mailbag: Dave shows an ad for Martha Stewart's farewell show, then has a heart-to-heart with ""Pete Rose"" (Gerard); magician Jason Randal dazzles Dave with some card tricks.

Aired 4 October 2004

Dave has another rant about Jay Leno's five-year notice to NBC; an autumn in New York quiz; a still graphic acknowledges the passing of staffer Dorothy Chambers; Howard Dean shills for John Kerry; George Clarke's ""It's A Fact;"" Franz Ferdinand performs ""Take Me Out.""

Aired 5 October 2004

""Mount Late Show"" erupts repeatedly in the backdrop; a schoolmarm plays ""Would You Like to Touch the Meat?""; Mario Andretti presents the Top Ten.

Aired 6 October 2004

Aired 7 October 2004

""Know Your Current Events;"" Donald Trump plays (and wins) ""Trump Or Monkey;"" SpaceShipOne pilot Brian Binnie; Minnie Driver sings ""Everything I've Got In My Pocket.""

Aired 8 October 2004

During ""CBS Mailbag,"" Dave promotes the new Late Show newsletter, which includes an Alan Kalter centerfold; Brooke Shields visits; director-raconteur Barry Sonnenfeld returns to tell more amusing stories, and show samples of his martini art.

Aired 11 October 2004

Aired 12 October 2004

Live via satellite, Martha Stewart gets caught in a prison catfight; an NYU student plays ""Guess the Bulge"" at Hello Deli; Jordan Zevon (son of Warren) and The Wallflowers perform ""Lawyers, Guns, and Money.""

Aired 13 October 2004

Dave has a new favorite phrase (""We must protect this house!"") while J.Lo promotes the remake of the Japanese romantic comedy Shall We Dance?

Aired 14 October 2004

Aired 15 October 2004

""CBS Mailbag"" with CBS holding auditions for Dave's replacement, George Clarke learning to play drums and Gerard Mulligan returning as ""George W. Bush;"" Tony Danza on his new talk show; Dave chats with Julia Roberts' niece Emma; Brian Regan does standup.

Aired 18 October 2004

Aired 19 October 2004

Aired 20 October 2004

Sarah Michelle Gellar plugs The Grudge; 2004 Indy Racing League Champion Tony Kanaan visits; Sparta performs.

Aired 21 October 2004

""Stump The Band;"" live via satellite, Martha Stewart gets caught in yet another catfight; Curt Schilling presents the Top Ten; Dustin Hoffman makes spit bubbles; Joss Stone performs.

Aired 22 October 2004

Dave's annual (and quite early) look at ""Halloween Costumes;"" George Clarke with a premature reminder about the end of Daylight Savings Time (Dave makes him down chocolate syrup); Amy Sedaris discusses her bunny and imaginary husband ""Ricky;"" Tommy Lee talks about his book, Tommy Land.

Aired 1 November 2004

Dave plugs his and Paul's (bogus) ""Decision 2004 Election Showdown Countdown Vote 2004 Democracy Corner"" for tomorrow night's election coverage; Rupert reports from St. Louis and Game 4 of the World Series; Johnny Damon recalls Boston's come-from-behind triumph; Anne Heche talks about parenthood and Birth; The Donnas perform ""Fall Behind Me.""

Aired 3 November 2004

Dave, Alan, Paul and George Clarke all comment on Bush's reelection; Tom Brokaw wishes Harry a happy first birthday; Dave flirts with Mischa Barton of ""The O.C."" to hide the fact that he's never seen the show.

Aired 4 November 2004

""Know Your Current Events;"" an 882 pound pumpkin is exploded on 53rd St.; Rosie Perez is tricked (once) by Dave into mentioning her Isuzu Trooper; Steven Wright.

Aired 5 November 2004

""CBS Mailbag;"" Al Franken explains the Electoral College to Dave; Kristen Bell visits; Project Bandaloop's performance is postponed because of heavy rain in Manhattan.

Aired 8 November 2004

The annual run-through by NYC Marathon winners; Ball State University sophomore Ryan Carney adds to his Late Show tattoo collection; Tom Hanks on Scottish Mexican food, vomiting and The Polar Express; Nelly.

Aired 9 November 2004

Aired 10 November 2004

Aired 11 November 2004

Aired 12 November 2004

During Mailbag, Rupert admits to learning how flirt with women from Bill O'Reilly; Canadian-born TV actress Evangeline Lilly hugs Paul; after a one-week holdover, Project Bandaloop finally trapezes around the building.

Aired 15 November 2004

Aired 16 November 2004

Dave experiments with new camera angles by sitting on the edge of his desk; live in the green room, we meet a man who has collected pennies for over thirty years and amassed a fortune of roughly $28; Dave and Nicholas Cage talk about motorcycles.

Aired 17 November 2004

Aired 18 November 2004

Dave shows a faux ad for a 1,420-calorie cheeseburger at Hardee's (""Warning: Do Not Eat""); Howard Stern likens himself to Oprah; Alanis Morissette performs ""Knees of My Bees.""

Aired 19 November 2004

Aired 22 November 2004

Aired 23 November 2004

A telenovela catfight turns into a Pistons-Pacers basketball game; Rupert and a woman from Alabama drop fake turkeys off the top of the theater; Pittsburgh Steelers wonderkind Ben Roethlisberger participates in the latest Late Show QB Challenge.

Aired 24 November 2004

In honor of Thanksgiving, Dave detonates a cannon filled with stuffing; Whoopi Goldberg promotes her one-woman Broadway show; Marilyn Manson performs the Depeche Mode classic ""Personal Jesus.""

Aired 25 November 2004

Via satellite from Indianapolis: The annual Thanksgiving pie-guess with Dave's mom (and dinner guest Marv Albert); Natalie Portman talks about an earlier Thanksgiving day LS appearance and plugs Closer; a Late Show Turkey Recall Announcement; John Mayer performs.

Aired 26 November 2004

During Mailbag, CBS suit Vinnie Favale announces a stricter policy on vulgarity on the network that may work to Dave's disadvantage; Senator-elect Barack Obama radiates charm and confidence while discussing politics; Dave and Jessica Biel swap stories about their dogs.

Aired 29 November 2004

Tonight's ""Spanish Soap Opera Highlight of the Night"" seems to include a round of ""Got Your Nose,"" while Twiggy the Waterskiing Squirrel does a demonstration out on 53rd Street.

Aired 30 November 2004

Aired 1 December 2004

Aired 2 December 2004

""Stump the Band"" continues to mystify Paul and company; Dave chats with Sharon Reed, the Ohio-based TV reporter who stripped naked for a Spencer Tunick project; Lyle Lovett performs ""In My Own Mind.""

Aired 3 December 2004

Aired 13 December 2004

As they do every year, Rupert, Joe G, Mujibur, and Sirajul place their edible ""angel"" on top of the Late Show Christmas tree; Jim Carrey discusses ab-crunches; Alan flips out while singing ""The Little Drummer Boy""; Ashanti performs ""Only U.""

Aired 14 December 2004

Aired 15 December 2004

Adam Sandler promotes Spanglish and performs his rendition of Warren Zevon's ""Werewolves of London;"" Shannon Eis with a look at new toys for the holidays.

Aired 16 December 2004

""America's Next Top Model"" winner Eva presents the Top Ten; Kate Beckinsale pushes The Aviator; Ciara performs with Missy Elliott.

Aired 17 December 2004

Aired 20 December 2004

Aired 21 December 2004

Aired 22 December 2004

Dave's monologue is interupted by a surprise appearance from Billy Crystal (promoting the one-man Broadway show ""700 Sundays""); Dave introduces ""The Nog-Cam;"" 10 carolers present the Top Ten; Broadway star Kristen Johnston opens up to Dave about her recent mugging; Tom Dreesen tells another story about opening for Frank Sinatra.

Aired 23 December 2004

Aired 3 January 2005

Dave wishes everyone a happy new year, then accentuates his goals for 2005 (he plans to use the word ""snarky"" more often); ""Biff Henderson: Pollster"" roams the streets once more; Hilary Swank plugs Million Dollar Baby; Andy Dick talks about his crabs; Green Day performs ""Boulevard of Broken Dreams.""

Aired 4 January 2005

Aired 5 January 2005

Aired 6 January 2005

Aired 7 January 2005

A shocking message from Dubya; Dave contines his use of all the following: carbs, steroids and the word ""snarky;"" ""Celebrity Resolutions"" goes straight into the dumper; Alan's new show, ""Desperate House Gal;"" Kevin Bacon; Caroline Rhea; Wilco performs ""Late Greats.""

Aired 10 January 2005

Aired 11 January 2005

Aired 12 January 2005

Rudy Giuliani talks baseball; 11-year-old percussion prodigy Daniel Banks hits the skins; Dave's stand-in finally gets his moment in the spotlight.

Aired 13 January 2005

Aired 14 January 2005

Amy Sedaris laments the death of her imaginary boyfriend; Andy Kindler performs stand-up.

Aired 17 January 2005

Dave calls up Patriots fan -- and ""D Fence"" guy -- Gary Wren, who drops an ""F bomb;"" Rupert learns karate at Tiger Schulmann's; the always on edge Jack Hanna with animals; Alan admits to being jealous of Jack Hanna, then has another hissy fit (and drops an ""F bomb""); Teri Polo on her experiences making Meet The Fockers.

Aired 18 January 2005

Aired 19 January 2005

Aired 20 January 2005

""Stump The Band;"" Dave shows off his ""baby Borg"" trophy; Robert Downey, Jr. instructs Dave on the finer points of bil jee and performs a song from his new CD; Nicole Richie plugs ""The Simple Life: Interns.""

Aired 21 January 2005

""Late Show Week in Review"": On a special episode of the controversial Fox show ""Who's Your Daddy?"" the contestant's biological father pummels an amorous Alan; Dave discusses the art of comedy with legendary funnyman Jerry Lewis.

Aired 31 January 2005

Dave's first new show following the death of Johnny Carson is an hour-long tribute, featuring clips of Johnny's appearances on both ""Late Show"" and ""Late Night,"" and the ""Tonight Show"" clip of Johnny stealing Dave's pickup truck; longtime ""Tonight"" producer Peter Lassally; former ""Tonight"" bandleader Doc Severinsen and former NBC Orchestra members Tommy Newsom and Ed Shaughnessy perform one of Johnny's favorite songs, ""Here's That Rainy Day.""

Aired 1 February 2005

Aired 2 February 2005

Aired 3 February 2005

Aired 4 February 2005

Aired 7 February 2005

Aired 8 February 2005

Dave shows ""actual"" footage of the Hubble Telescope; Bollywood superstar Aishwarya Rai promotes Bride and Prejudice; 3 Doors Down performs ""Let Me Go.""

Aired 9 February 2005

Aired 10 February 2005

Aired 11 February 2005

During ""Week in Review,"" Alan previews the Grammys by singing Tone Luc's ""Wild Thing;"" ten divorce attorneys present the Top Ten; Dave eats a sample of Paris Hilton's new lipstick.

Aired 14 February 2005

Aired 15 February 2005

Aired 16 February 2005

Aired 17 February 2005

Aired 18 February 2005

Aired 21 February 2005

Competitive eater ""Crazy Legs"" Conti attempts to break the world's oyster-eating record in the lobby of The Ed; ""Stupid Pet Tricks"" features three dogs (none too crazy about the oysters); Bonnie Hunt remembers Johnny Carson (and tries an oyster).

Aired 22 February 2005

Dave demands to be grilled on the annual Barbara Walters Oscar special, but only if he does the interview with Oprah by his side; ""Harold Larkin's Sidewalk Idol"" searches for the next great singing talent; Kings of Leon perform ""The Bucket.""

Aired 23 February 2005

Giant rats attack Christo's Gates; Dave comes up with a number of synonyms for inhaling marijuana; Alan editorializes on President Bush, only to float toward promoting a bootleg sex tape he made in 1989.

Aired 24 February 2005

Aired 25 February 2005

""Late Show Week in Review"": Dubya (mis)pronounces ""nuclear"" five different ways, while a Flashdancers employee dances around one of Christo's Gates. Also, Lego expert Nathan Sawaya creates a brick portrait of Biff.

Aired 28 February 2005

Snowmobiling great Jay Quinlan performs stunts on 53rd Street; actor-cum-wrester Dwayne ""The Rock"" Johnston promotes Be Cool; Solomon Burke blows the roof off The Ed with a pair of songs.

Aired 1 March 2005

""Would You Like To Take A Ride On A Dog Sled?"" on 53rd Street; Kirstie Alley wants to become promiscuous and discusses her new show ""Fat Actress""; Alan has a stern word for Christo's wife Jeanne Claude; Kathleen Edwards performs.

Aired 2 March 2005

2004 Indianapolis 500 champion Buddy Rice with ""Top Ten Reasons I Love Racing;"" Vin Diesel talks about his dog, and his new film The Pacifier; Amos Lee sings.

Aired 3 March 2005

Aired 4 March 2005

Outgoing CBS anchorman Dan Rather looks back at his fifty years in broadcasting and the scandal that prematurely ended his career.

Aired 14 March 2005

Aired 15 March 2005

Aired 16 March 2005

Dave is able to work the phrase ""needlessly circuitous"" into the interview with Amanda Peet, plus he admires her profile; Alan gives suggestive advice to Condoleeza Rice; Susan Hum refuses to give her picks for the Final Four tournament; marathon man Dean Karnazes discusses the joy of running.

Aired 21 March 2005

Dave thanks the FBI and the Montana police for their efforts following a botched kidnapping involving his son last week; Pat Farmer celebrates ""March Madness"" by trying to duplicate his 90 foot drop shot into a goal on 53rd Street; Sandra Bullock doesn't talk about boyfriend Jesse James, but does plug Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous; ""Alan Kalter's Are You ****ing Kidding Me?"" takes a look at the Robert Blake verdict; Gwen Stefani discusses high school and performs ""Hollaback Girl"" with a drumline and sits down for a chat.

Aired 22 March 2005

Jessica Alba plugs Sin City and performs a lasso demonstration with Dave; staffer Susan Hum is reluctant to explain string theory; Queens of the Stone Age perform ""Little Sister.""

Aired 23 March 2005

""On Sale Now"" (a variation on ""New Products"") includes room-temperature sushi and flammable curtains; Pat and Kenny read a transcript of an interview between Oprah and Kirstie Alley; Dave closes the show by promoting Japanese gum.

Aired 28 March 2005

Aired 29 March 2005

Aired 30 March 2005

Aired 31 March 2005

An audience member walks on her hands, wrap her legs around Dave, and pulls herself up; Dave shows a clip from the NBC soap ""Passions""; Denzel Washington discusses sailing and drinking large amounts of water.

Aired 1 April 2005

Roof problems at the theater results in rainwater onstage; Dave worries over Dengue fever; ""Will It Float?"" hits a snag when a bucket of gumdrops topples over; matchmaking cabbie Ahmed Ibrahim brags about his abilities as an interceder.

Aired 5 April 2005

Aired 6 April 2005

Dave explains how he cut his finger with a cheese grater, then confesses to having a great admiration for lesbians; in her first appearance on the show in 19 years, Jane Fonda discusses her marriage to Ted Turner and her infamous visit to Vietnam; Bloc Party performs ""Banquet.""

Aired 11 April 2005

Dave and Paul are quizzed about tax exemptions; a bearded Robin Williams discusses everything from Dave's jury duty to welding; Martha Wainwright (sister of Rufus) performs ""When The Day Is Short.""

Aired 12 April 2005

Aired 13 April 2005

One day after his 58th birthday, waffles are hucked at the audience. Quote Dave: ""Why do I need joke writers when I have waffles?"" Also, the Late Show recreates testimony from the Michael Jackson trial in which the ""King of Pop"" (Gerard) makes an ass of himself; the new Miss USA Chelsea Cooley delivers the Top Ten; David Duchovny promotes House Of D.; Ray Lamontagne performs.

Aired 14 April 2005

Aired 15 April 2005

A lucky motorist wins $100 worth of free gasoline, which is spent up in less than five seconds; Alan has another hissy fit, this time in a Michael Jackson costume; singer-actress Kristen Chenoweth discusses painkillers.

Aired 25 April 2005

Aired 26 April 2005

Tonight's clip from the NBC serial ""Passions"" features a monkey comforting a middle-aged woman; Dave meets the employees of Angelo's Pizza; Spamalot star Hank Azaria admits to Dave that he's a lousy dancer; author Jeff MacGregor discusses his year-long observational tour of the NASCAR circuit, and his subsequent book, Sunday Money.

Aired 27 April 2005

Aired 28 April 2005

Aired 29 April 2005

Cold opening: Dave runs into a nude (yet blurred) Teri Hatcher who's locked out of her dressing room; ""Late Show Week In Review"" with Vinnie Favale as Elvis, a SWAT team kitty and Alan with a bevy of hookers; ""Will It Float?"" (a bag of fertilizer...no); Teri talks about swimming with a whale; Harry Hill performs standup.

Aired 2 May 2005

Throughout the night, wax figures of celebrities that refuse to appear on the show are rolled onstage. One stagehand accidentally cops a feel on the Oprah statue, while Regis storms onstage to complain about his wax likeness.

Aired 3 May 2005

Aired 4 May 2005

Aired 5 May 2005

Live via satellite, Dorothy Letterman performs the Top Ten; in honor of Cinco De Mayo, a city bus crashes into a giant pinata; Kasabian performs ""Club Foot.""

Aired 6 May 2005

Like he does every Kentucky Derby weekend, Dave calls up Dave Johnson to hear him say ""...and down the stretch they come!""; Christina Applegate promotes the musical ""Sweet Charity"" and discusses a recent injury onstage; Brian Regan performs a stand-up routine about cholesterol and heartburn.

Aired 9 May 2005

Aired 10 May 2005

Aired 11 May 2005

Aired 12 May 2005

Aired 13 May 2005

Aired 16 May 2005

Aired 17 May 2005

Ben Stiller and Shelly Fairchild stop by. Also, Top Ten with Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.

Aired 18 May 2005

Aired 19 May 2005

Aired 20 May 2005

Aired 23 May 2005

Aired 24 May 2005

Aired 25 May 2005

Aired 6 June 2005

Cedric The Entertainer; Indianapolis 500 winner Dan Wheldon; musical guests The Black Eyed Peas.

Aired 8 June 2005

Russell Crowe; Paul Anka.

Aired 9 June 2005

Katie Holmes; musical group Shout Out Louds.

Aired 10 June 2005

Al Franken; Ellen Pompeo.

Aired 13 June 2005

Nicole Kidman; Foo Fighters.

Aired 14 June 2005

Dan Aykroyd; Bill Scheft; musician Mike Doughty.

Aired 15 June 2005

Denis Leary; Alanis Morissette.

Aired 16 June 2005

BIll Clinton; Ringo Starr.

Aired 17 June 2005

Mark Wahlberg; racing driver Juan Pablo Montoya.

Aired 20 June 2005

Christopher Walken; U.S. Open golf champion Michael Campbell; musical guest Billy Corgan.

Aired 21 June 2005

Lindsay Lohan; sports commentator Chris ""Mad Dog"" Russo.

Aired 22 June 2005

Michael Keaton (""Herbie Fully Loaded""); author David Sedaris.

Aired 23 June 2005

Tom Cruise (""War of the Worlds""); musical guest Ben Folds.

Aired 24 June 2005

Tim Robbins promotes ""War of the Worlds;"" the Purina Junior Agility Dog Challgenge is briefly subjected to controversy; comedian Nick Griffin does stand-up.

Aired 27 June 2005

Actor Jeff Goldblum; musical guests Sleater-Kinney.

Aired 28 June 2005

Piedmont Bird Callers; Julian McMahon (""Fantastic Four""); musician Raul Midon.

Aired 29 June 2005

Tom Brokaw; actress Dakota Fanning.

Aired 30 June 2005

Actress Jennifer Connelly; musical group Eels.

Aired 1 July 2005

Michael Chiklis; comedian Gary Mule Deer; new summer toys with Shannon Eis.

Aired 18 July 2005

Aired 19 July 2005

Aired 20 July 2005

Aired 21 July 2005

Aired 22 July 2005

Aired 25 July 2005

Aired 26 July 2005

Aired 27 July 2005

Kelly Preston, Jeff Altman and Aimee Mann

Aired 28 July 2005

Aired 29 July 2005

Aired 1 August 2005

Aired 2 August 2005

Aired 3 August 2005

Aired 4 August 2005

Aired 5 August 2005

Aired 8 August 2005

Aired 9 August 2005

Aired 10 August 2005

Aired 11 August 2005

Aired 12 August 2005